It goes without saying that in any occasion- be it sporting, political, economic or otherwise, I will take the opportunity to find a fashion theme within it. The American elections gave me the perfect excuse to adopt a stars and stripes wardrobe-the red, white and blue of nautical chic combined with the hip hop / 80's combined trend of stars on any available bodily surface allowed me to fully embrace the occasion. With the UK elections parliamentary rosettes were translated into flower corsages, with the economic meltdown I adopted 'recession chic' which basically involved wearing very small clothes or bulk buying from Primark, Wimbledon always brings out the little, white summer skirts. And this month, I officially announce the Foot Ball. Which is essentially a celebration (or Ball if you like) of all things foot-related. (if fact, anything from the foot upwards!)
Sparkle, lamé, pearls, lace, neon, wood, cork, beads, PVC, leather... all adorned upon perfectly pedicured with the English flag tootsies in a true celebration of the foot! Add to that the thousands of themes that can be taken from the culmination of teams, players, countries participating in the world cup, and we are presented with the biggest and most exciting foot-fashion opportunity of all time! White knee socks, patriotic footwear (with matching bags of course), any African animal print going.. It's a pedi-carnival and I'm buying a float! Bring on the Foot Ball!
Now, in my excitement and embracement of the sport, it has prompted me to delve a little deeper into the world of football and my research has brought to light some disturbing facts- possibly no revelation to most people, but to someone like me that naively thinks the best of most things until someone or something shatters my sparkly fairytale illusion, this has been a sobering (if such a word can be used at a time when I'm spending most of my time in the pub supping Prosecco) insight. I discovered some shocking truths.
1) Gone are the days when people supported their local team because they grew up with them, or their dads or their kids, or they worked in the same coal mines, drank in the same boozers and so on - when it was all about community and regional pride. I have learned that nowadays some people even just 'pick a team' and that's all there is to it?! Simple as that - eeny meeny miney mo... Sometimes they have never even been to the town that the team is named after, or even KNOW where the town is. Ok, to be fair you can't fully blame the fans, especially as most of the players also have nothing to do with the town the team was named after either... but at least admit it, and stop pretending to believe that this has anything to do with anything other than money. YES there are some skilled players about - but frankly if I was going to get paid a million quid a day for being skilled at something that I just happened to do all the time as a kid, and that was and still is lots of fun, - I'd be bloody skilled at it, believe me. Unfortunately dancing around to Aha with a gymnastic ribbon doesn't pay that much and frankly I can't be bothered to do anything more strenuous - I don't want a Hummer and a gang bang that much thanks.
2) There is a perception of football 'fannery' being hard, tough and manly.... yet in reality, footballers themselves are probably the most manicured, stroppy, diva-like, metrosexuals you could ever meet. I know this - I have met many in my previous incarnation as a party organiser. And I cannot believe how much of a mis-match there is between a real life footballer and a wannabe football 'hooligan'. Sometimes I think the footballers don't get distracted by the bellowing chants of their fans, not because they are so expertly trained not to, but moreso because they are like dolphins... they can't hear noises that low. Their delicate ears only pick up high pitched squeaks, like the ones their wives emit which are only marginally lower than their own....
3) I was amazed, when watching the Germans play the other day, to hear the commentator say "...and this is Cacau coming onto the pitch now. He's only recently become a German..." Ummmmmm - what so now if you don't like whatever nationality you are, or your team is shite, then you can just become from another country??! So Rooney can say 'sod you' to his England team mates and head off to join Brazil, and become Rooniño instead? Well that just about closed the deal for me.
I have come to the conclusion that the World Cup is fun, and the atmosphere is amazing, and the sudden patriotism that people develop out of nowhere is somewhat amusing, but I think that footballers should be put onto the minimum wage and then play the world cup, and I think it would be a whole different ball game (see what I did there?). Football is a game made up of simple people who get paid far too much money- its like letting loose a colony of sex-addicted gorillas after giving them suitcases full of cash, some sports cars and a random selection of coke-snorting barbie dolls, and then sitting back to observe. Even the name is simple. "Foot. Ball." like some 3 year old literally said what it did on the tin and was hailed as a genius for coming up with such a word. Think of other sports- tennis, boxing, rugby, badminton .... Might as well call them 'Smack-with-Racket', 'Hit-People', 'Grab-Ball- and-Run' and 'Pointless-Load-of-Shit'
What is funny is that the Americans who actually do name every sport after what it does on the tin, chose soccer as the name for football. Which I actually think is a much nicer name for the sport. Though I am probably giving them too much credit. In reality a meat-head jock most likely pointed at a footballers foot one day and went 'Sock. Urr.' (followed by a dribble - of the mouth kind, not the foot kind)' and that was how the name was borne. Actually it wasn't even the Americans that came up with the name - (I just looked on Wikipedia) but what the heck, as blog-fodder the reality is boring, so I'll just make up whatever crap I want to!
And that's kind of all I have to say about the subject really.... a shorter post than the usual, but I'm loath to string out the subject any further, or change subject mid blog. Plus I don't really know an awful lot more about football. So I finish this with some of the stoopidest quotes about football, from footballers.....and then head to the pub for the next match. By for now homies. xoxo
"Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesborough."
Jonathan Woodgate
"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces."
Ron Atkinson
"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
Terry Venables
"They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that."
Kevin Keegan
"I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet."
David Beckham
"I never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well."
Alan Shearer
"The minute's silence was immaculate, I have never heard a minute's silence like that."
Glenn Hoddle
"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat."
Ron Atkinson
"I couldn't settle in Italy. It was like living in a foreign country."
Ian Rush
"There are two ways of getting the ball. One is from your own team-mates, and that's the only way."
Terry Venables
"The first ninety minutes of a football match are the most important."
Bobby Robson
"The world looks a totally different place after two wins. I can even enjoy watching Blind Date or laugh at Noel's House Party."
Gordon Strachan
"My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7."
David Beckham
"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel."
Stuart Pearce
"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock."
Barry Venison
"We haven't been scoring goals, but football's not just about scoring goals. It's about winning."
Alan Shearer
"We must have had 99 per cent of the match. It was the other three per cent that cost us."
Ruud Gullit
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